October 21, 2009
This is going to be a very personal post and if it insults you in any way, forgive me because I didn't mean to.
---
I'm just tired out, tired with explaining myself, tired with no one understanding what I'm going through.
My mum thinks there's something wrong with me, 24 hours ago she asked me 2 questions which still cuts me deep. "1. why did you quit your job?" & "2. you have a sugar daddy is it?"
1. I replied her I still had enough money to study and she went on about other things. Okay, rant on. My fault for graduating early, my fault for starting work early, my fault for falling sick, my fault for wanting to quit, my fault for wanting to study, my fault for wanting to enjoy the teenage life I missed out on because I was studying at least 12hours a day at the library for at least 3months every half a year which makes it 180days for 2.5years while everyone else was in poly having a great time.
2. I'm really disappointed with you mummy. You hurt my feelings really bad that you made me cry myself to sleep. Do I look like I leech money off others? Do I seem like I've no respect for myself & my body? Do I look like I put money before everything else? Do I look materialistic? And most important of all, do you trust your very own daughter? Please don't forget this daughter of yours is very independent and has been using her own money to get most of her belongings for herself.
I don't accept gifts readily : I can't even bring or force myself to eat a single piece of the choco (which I like to eat) in the box which was a gift from some friend and I ended up giving it to my neighbour. The only reason why it even ended up in my hands was because it was passed to a closer friend who passed it to me and I had no idea what it was or who it came from at that point in time.
I don't go for money : I could have been chauffered around in sports cars and having a good life with the son of apparently rich parents but I didn't.
I'm not materialistic : I don't own LV / Gucci / Prada / iphone / psp / nintendo ds or get things just because its branded or because everyone else has them.
I love myself : I don't put make up on except for special occasions because I love and accept myself just the way I am.
I respect myself a whole damn awful lot : In this era of love = sex, I'm still sticking to my foundations to respect my body and wait till marriage.
I respect those around me : I stopped fighting and hurling vulgarities since Nov 2003, I take all the nagging without saying a word and I listen to the ppl ard me most of the time.
I believe in myself : I always been challenging myself to be a better person, need I say more?
I really don't give a damn how the world portrays me as but as far as I'm concerned the opinions of you, dad and baby bear on me means the most to me. I know I may at one point or another unknowingly do things that disappoint you at times and I'm really sorry but I just want you guys to have a little more faith in me, please?
It's now 3.14am and I'm still awake, still upset at what you said mummy. Sigh.
-nIx- @ [[1:44 AM]]
This is going to be a very personal post and if it insults you in any way, forgive me because I didn't mean to.
---
I'm just tired out, tired with explaining myself, tired with no one understanding what I'm going through.
My mum thinks there's something wrong with me, 24 hours ago she asked me 2 questions which still cuts me deep. "1. why did you quit your job?" & "2. you have a sugar daddy is it?"
1. I replied her I still had enough money to study and she went on about other things. Okay, rant on. My fault for graduating early, my fault for starting work early, my fault for falling sick, my fault for wanting to quit, my fault for wanting to study, my fault for wanting to enjoy the teenage life I missed out on because I was studying at least 12hours a day at the library for at least 3months every half a year which makes it 180days for 2.5years while everyone else was in poly having a great time.
2. I'm really disappointed with you mummy. You hurt my feelings really bad that you made me cry myself to sleep. Do I look like I leech money off others? Do I seem like I've no respect for myself & my body? Do I look like I put money before everything else? Do I look materialistic? And most important of all, do you trust your very own daughter? Please don't forget this daughter of yours is very independent and has been using her own money to get most of her belongings for herself.
I don't accept gifts readily : I can't even bring or force myself to eat a single piece of the choco (which I like to eat) in the box which was a gift from some friend and I ended up giving it to my neighbour. The only reason why it even ended up in my hands was because it was passed to a closer friend who passed it to me and I had no idea what it was or who it came from at that point in time.
I don't go for money : I could have been chauffered around in sports cars and having a good life with the son of apparently rich parents but I didn't.
I'm not materialistic : I don't own LV / Gucci / Prada / iphone / psp / nintendo ds or get things just because its branded or because everyone else has them.
I love myself : I don't put make up on except for special occasions because I love and accept myself just the way I am.
I respect myself a whole damn awful lot : In this era of love = sex, I'm still sticking to my foundations to respect my body and wait till marriage.
I respect those around me : I stopped fighting and hurling vulgarities since Nov 2003, I take all the nagging without saying a word and I listen to the ppl ard me most of the time.
I believe in myself : I always been challenging myself to be a better person, need I say more?
I really don't give a damn how the world portrays me as but as far as I'm concerned the opinions of you, dad and baby bear on me means the most to me. I know I may at one point or another unknowingly do things that disappoint you at times and I'm really sorry but I just want you guys to have a little more faith in me, please?
It's now 3.14am and I'm still awake, still upset at what you said mummy. Sigh.
-nIx- @ [[1:44 AM]]
